all the cool kids are doing it
by moon strut
Summary: "Will you be the Thor to my Hulk?" Or, that time they all dressed up for Halloween, and things didn't exactly go as planned. —natsu&lucy, gray, gajeel, bro!ship. Happy Halloween!


**notes:** hey, cool kids. i decided to muster up the last bit of my energy between midterms to write this for Halloween. it's set in my usual modern bro!ship world of douchebags and assholes but not really.

i love Halloween. do you guys still go trick or treating? i do.

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Gray tossed the empty bottle over his shoulder, mentally smirking (hard) at the sound of shattering glass. He then proceeded up the porch and to the door, simultaneously beating on it with one hand while the other mustered up his button-mashing powers to effectively ring the doorbell into oblivion.

There were muffled screams of protest from inside the house before the door was yanked open within seconds, a displeased Natsu standing in the doorway, disheveled and shirtless.

"Will you stop ravaging my door now," he demanded, shooting him with the 'you asshole' look.

Gray raised a brow. "I did nothing _close_ to 'ravaging' it."

Natsu snorted, leaning against the frame. "Aren't you s'posed to say 'trick or treat' or some shit?"

"Fuck you." He answered, pushing his way passed the idiotic obstruction and into the room.

"Yeah, well don't expect to get any candy then, you dick."

"Go put your clothes on, fag."

"I will in—wait a minute, what're you dressed as?" Natsu reeled back in shock, pointing an accusing finger directly at Gray's crotch.

(Or, his belt buckle, but whatever, close enough.)

Gray continued to stare at him blankly. "'m motherfuckin' Captain 'merica. Who else?"

Natsu gave him a once-over, his face gradually twisting more and more in disgust with each passing moment. Gray stood unfazed with his arms crossed, feeling rather proud of himself.

"Dude, wearing a Captain America shirt and belt buckle doesn't make you him. STOP RUINING CAP, YOU COCKSUCK."

Gray shrugged. "I wrote an 'A' on my forehead." He lifted the hair of his fringe to prove his point.

Natsu looked at the poorly drawn letter (it was written with Sharpie) and frowned, shaking his head in utter disappointment. "You suck so bad, I want to cry."

"What the fuck are you s'posed to be then, shithead?" Gray nodded at him.

"I was _supposed_ to be Captain America because that is what we decided on that one time, y'know. But then you came and ruined everything!"

"Hold up, when did we decide that?"

At that precise moment, the door unlocked, and the two bickering friends turned their attention towards the person casually entering the room.

Gajeel closed the door behind him whilst taking a swig of his beer bottle, giving the others a half-assed wave of his free hand.

"'Sup." Gray nodded at him. Natsu was too busy staring at Gajeel with suspicious and confused eyes to even greet him.

"Hey, man... Why do you have a key to my house?" He inquired.

The room fell silent.

Then Gajeel shrugged and said, "I dunno."

"Whatever, that's unimportant—("WHAT DO YOU MEAN UNIMPORTANT!?")—what are you, Gajeel?" Gray continued to ignore Natsu as he spasmed in the background.

Gajeel blinked at him before replying, "A human."

Gray paused to observe his friend's current state. "You coherent right now?"

"Probably."

"Hm."

"Maybe not."

"Huh."

"Yeah."

"You need me to define 'coherent' for you, big boy?"

Gajeel glared at him. "Fuck you. Don't even try proper syntax and vocabulary with me, asswipe."

"Then allow me to reiterate for you: what is your costume?"

Gajeel smirked, a wide and crooked grin. "Captain-fuckin'-America."

Natsu and Gray looked at him, scrutinizing every last detail of his outfit. He was dressed with sculpted sheets of metal covering his torso, arms, legs, and a helmet adorning his head. He also had what appeared to be a circular shield attached to his left forearm.

"I don't get it."

"Not impressed."

The two of them shook their heads in disapproval, hands on their chins as if in thought.

"Where did you even get this metal?"

"I made it in my metalworking class." He explained.

"Are you passing? 'Cause it looks like complete _shit_."

Gray and Natsu high-fived, snickering to themselves. "You guys aren't even wearing costumes, so I win by default, you jerks." Gajeel rubbed his metal defensively.

"I'm Captain America." Gray suddenly declared.

"I _will _be Captain America." Natsu added.

"What the fuck, idiots, we can't all be Captain America."

"I thought we had this planned out. What was that meeting for then?" Natsu groaned (still shirtless).

"What meeting?" Gray frowned at him. "You mean that time we ate curly fries in the park at 2 in the morning? Dude, we didn't plan shit. What the fuck are you even saying."

Natsu's eyes widened in silent horror at the revelation. "My life has been a lie." He said quietly, turning away.

"You know what, this isn't gonna work." Gray tapped his lip with a finger, eyes fixed on the (surprisingly clean) floor. "Okay, new idea. Gajeel, you be Iron Man, since you're all dolled up in metal already."

Gajeel grunted but didn't refuse. (He was far too busy salvaging the last drops from his bottle to care.)

"Natsu, you can be... Hulk."

"What the fuck, why should I?" He almost looked offended.

"'Cause you're already shirtless."

"I'm not even _GREEN_." Natsu half-screeched in exasperation.

"I have some body paint left over." Gray offered.

Gajeel's eyebrows shot up. "From what?"

"That's not the point. Get over it." He quickly opened the jar of chocolate-covered almonds from Natsu's table and proceeded to shovel alarming amounts into his mouth.

"If Vag-eel is gonna be Iron Man, and I'm Hulk, what're you gonna be?" Natsu grabbed the jar from his clutches, holding it possessively to his chest.

"I'm already Cap'n, dumbshit." Gray ran a hand through his lustrous locks, showcasing the Sharpie-drawn 'A' for all to see. "Gajeel, gimme yer shield."

"NO, FUCK OFF," he pulled the metal circle closer to himself.

"You are Iron Man. Iron Man doesn't use shields. GIVE ME THE GODDAMN SHIELD, YOU GREEDY BITCH."

"But guuuuys..." Natsu's incessant whining interrupted the arguing pair as they were both in the middle of trying to manhandle each other, resulting in a flurry of grabby hands and wrinkled shirts. "Who's gonna be the Thor to my Hulk?"

They stared at him. And then Gajeel lifted a fist, stopping only when Gray held him back.

"What is that."

"What're you doing."

"Why are you tryin' to 'ship' Hulk and Thor like some kinda 'OTP'?"

"Stop that. STOP IT RIGHT NOW."

"Holy shit, calm your little titties, ladies, your vaginas are showing." Natsu rolled his eyes, setting down the jar of almonds far away from Gray.

"Why don't ask Lucy to be Thor?" Gajeel suggested, finding usual spot on the living room couch.

"Yeah, she has long, blonde hair." Gray added.

"Just give her a red cape and a hammer or some shit."

"She also has nice tits."

"That, too."

"Asdfghjkl!" Natsu flailed. "Stop talking about her boobs! Why are you talking about her boobs!?"

"Well. They're there." Gray said, deadpan.

"Yeah, bro."

"You guys suck dick."

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The three wannabe Avengers arrived in front of the Heartfilia household that evening, waiting in a queue of decorated children that stretched passed the lawn.

"Why are we standing in line!?" Gray grit his teeth and adjusted the metal shield he had finally managed to pry from Gajeel's vice grip.

"Apparently Lucy always gives out huge candy bars every Halloween." Natsu yawned, rubbing away goosebumps forming on his bare arms.

"Fuck this. I ain't waiting in line for this." Gray turned to step out, only to be stopped by Gajeel.

"Wait—we're staying. This is worth it." He had a crazily determined look in his eyes.

Natsu and Gray stared at him incredulously as the line moved forward.

"Oh, hey, guys! What're you doing here?" Lucy smiled from the doorway, waving. "Lemme see your costumes..."

She glanced back and forth between the three, from Gray's poorly drawn 'A,' to Natsu's bare chest, to Gajeel's metal, back to the shield, and then to Natsu's chest again.

"I don't get it." She concluded after much thought.

"We're the Avengers. Cap'n 'merica, Hulk, and Iron Man." Gray motioned to them all respectively.

"Mhm. Natsu's not even green."

"We'll fix that!" Gray yelled.

"What're you s'posed to be? A slut?" Gajeel asked, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"Bro!" Natsu exclaimed from beside him.

"It's a legitimate question." He shrugged.

"I'm Sailor Moon, you stupid buttface." Lucy flipped her high pig tails and posed in her blue mini skirt and maroon Doc Martens. "Shut up, I had to improvise."

"Lucy," Natsu stepped forward, staring hard into her eyes. "Will you be the Thor to my Hulk?"

She blinked. "What."

"Did that just imply somethin'?" Gray furiously whispered to Gajeel.

"You don't have to change. Just put on this red blanket and carry this hammer around. You can be Sailor Thor if you want, I honestly don't care." Natsu draped the makeshift cape over her shoulders and tied it around her neck.

"Um, o—KAY!" She cried out as he grabbed her hand and pulled her along, grinning with excitement.

"Let's go, Avenger-bitches." Natsu called back to other two, still standing in front of Lucy's house.

Gajeel stared at the pair up ahead, all flustered faces, hand in hand, and smirked.

"I'm gonna ship Hulk and Thor now." He said.

Gray gave him a pointed look before shoving him to the ground with the metal shield.

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happy halloween, cuties.


End file.
